Many people told me my world would change once my own baby arrived. They said the way I felt about my foster children would be different. "It's not the same as your own kid," they'd say. "You won't know real love until you hold your baby." I'd heard it all before, and I disagreed.

I had fostered ten children in total, including two sets of siblings and one group of four. All of them eventually returned to their birth families. I always told them they were my "family by heart" and that I would always love them. I believed this love wouldn't change, even with a new baby in the house.

The

Arrival of a Birth Child

On February 10th, 2018, my daughter was born. As I settled into life as a birth parent, I realized those people were partly right. Things *did

• change. My daughter was showered with immediate attention and love. Her needs were met instantly. She was fed, cuddled, and kept warm without delay. Her diaper was changed right away, and she was held for hours whenever she wanted.

My daughter was loved through constant actions, not just in my heart. This constant care made me think about my foster children. My heart ached when I realized they didn't always receive this same level of care. I wondered if their cries were always heard or if their needs were always met.

A New

Understanding of Love

Sitting with my newborn, I cried thinking about the times my foster children might not have been shown unconditional love through the actions of the adults around them. I felt so much pain for them. I wished I could go back and ensure they were loved the way my birth daughter is loved now.

I realized that giving birth to my daughter had made me love my foster children even more. It broke my heart further, making me wish I could give them the same advantages my own daughter would have. If I could trade a part of myself for their well-being, I would. But life isn't fair, and their experiences were often unfair.

The

Unfairness of Life

I can't legally or biologically give my foster children the life my daughter will have. But I have the emotional right to care about them deeply. I will continue to care about them for the rest of their lives. It's frustrating to know that some people believe true connection only comes from genetics.

For some, maybe that's true. But for me, it's not. My foster children were my "own kids" from the moment they arrived. Their worn clothes and garbage bag luggage didn't change that. The memories I have with them are precious. I hope they always stay with me.

Fostering: A Different

Kind of Family

My world did change after my daughter's birth. I began to see the privilege of children who came from stable homes. Before, I accepted that some kids just had tough lives. But my daughter's arrival made me realize that life doesn't have to be so hard for every child. It's not okay for any child to start life in a difficult situation.

This realization made me more empathetic. My world changed, and it confirmed that fostering is my calling. Now, I'm even considering fostering to adopt. If I can provide a better life for children, I will.

Love Knows No Bounds

I felt love the moment I fostered my first sibling group. They were my "first children." I felt that love again and again with other foster children and then with my daughter. The love I give each child is unique, tailored to their needs and our relationship. But the depth of love is the same for all of them.

I don't have a grand conclusion. I just want to say that if you've ever thought about fostering, please do it. My foster children taught me so much. They brought me incredible joy and taught me patience. Fostering is hard, but so is parenting a birth child.

Encouraging Others to Foster

The stereotypes about foster kids are often untrue. My foster children were smart, funny, kind, and helpful. Yes, they had their struggles, like any child. But they were, and are, amazing individuals. Fostering can change your life. We need more good foster parents.

I fostered as a single person on a modest salary. You don't need to be married, rich, or have a specific background to foster. I'm not religious, and I didn't have a "spiritual calling." I just love kids very much.

If you don't feel called to bring a non-biological child into your home, don't underestimate how much love someone else can give to a child they didn't give birth to. I have both birth children and foster children. I know, with certainty, that both can be loved with all your heart.